she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
