Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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