Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
