Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
