filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So. Much. Porn.
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