it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
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I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
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So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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