ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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