In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
