uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
