I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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