Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
