I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
