I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
