My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
