No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
