My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
