he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
