Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
