you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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