so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
