My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
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What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
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FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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