I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
