I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
