Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
