Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
