Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
