I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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