The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
