The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
