Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
