Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
