one word: firstdatebathroomanal
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
FUCK WHALES
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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