She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
