Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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