To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
