im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
