i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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