i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
