Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
