Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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