It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
