this beer tastes like vomit already
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
