I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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