Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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