Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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