I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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