wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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