We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
