Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
