my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
