dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
