So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
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Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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