I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
