now i know why i became what i already was.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
organizing the empties. That sober.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
