If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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