gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
