what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
