he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
