accomplished twins. life is a go
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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