i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
