I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My feet surprised me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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