I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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