I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
