I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
