Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
