he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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