Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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