She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
