Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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